A Letter From William Daed, Interim CEBDO
(Chief Executive Bidet Designs Officer) Of Woot.com
(Chief Executive Bidet Designs Officer) Of Woot.com
Over the past year, we've had to make some hard choices. We've had to focus on what works, and remove what didn't. Today we're proud to announce that we're changing our direction towards a new and better type of sales experience. Today, we're proud to announce that Bidet.Woot is open for business… forever. We've run the numbers. We've checked the figures. We've done the market research over and over again. Simply put, as we begin to settle into this 2016 election cycle, it's clear that our customers are more and more desperate to feel clean. Moving from a deals site to a bidet-specific site isn't just a good career move for me personally, it's also the greatest thing that's ever happened to you, the reader.
Over the next few months, you'll see small changes across the Woot family of sites. It's started today, with the menu bar. Take note of the changes, please. They'll be around for a long time to come. They say the future is build on the fundament of today. We say: make sure that fundament's clean and the sky's the limit. By April 1st, 2017, we see Bidet.Woot as being the dominant force in online bidet sales. But it won't stop there. Expect briefcase bidets for the office, drone bidets summoned via phone app, craft bidets manufacturers in the cities of Brooklyn, Portland, and San Francisco, and the soon-to-be-announced vacuum bidet, designed to clean the bottoms of heroes as they turn their faces toward a journey into space. Will YOUR child be one of them?
While our competitors are doubling-down on the ghosts of useless paper, we're looking forward. We're seeing the future. We're holding our tablets, syncing with our smart watches, and blocking off some quality time in the mists of tomorrow armed with only our wits, our dreams, and our perfect cleaning tool. Won't you become one of our bidestronauts and change the world?
Bravery. Genius. Bidets. Woot.
Ever Forward,
William Daed
Interim CEBDO